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DECISIONS, DECISIONS, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A PARTNER?

Dating is an important part of a single woman's life and you need to take it a little serious. Now that doesn't mean it can't be fun, but if your not sure what it is your looking for, how do you know you might get stuck with the wrong one? Women most commonly look at dating as a means to an end. Some women want to make it as short as possible and go right into a steady relationship. They don't pay attention to the little things about their date because the first date is full of nervous anxiety. Before you start dating, think about your friends and the types of questions their going to ask when you tell them you have a date.

What are you looking for from your next partner? Maybe your not sure because all you can think of are the same traits of your ex husband. Now that may not be a bad thing, but you did divorce him. Maybe you could use some help in choosing certain traits in your next partner. There is a different type of dating out there called "Soul Dating." A driving force in soul dating is to seek a romantic friendship in which two people know, value, and accept everything (warts and all) about each other. Here are some suggestions that may help you pick out the good and bad traits to look out for in a potential mate.

  • What does he do for a living?
  • Is he smart, funny, cute?
  • Where does he live?
  • What kind of car does he drive? Traditional dating operates in a similar realm, resulting in personality-directed questions like these:
  • Should I kiss her goodnight?
  • Will my friends/family think he's successful enough?
  • How sexy should I dress? Is he going to find me attractive? "Soul dating," on the other hand, inspires us to look deeper and ask inner-directed questions like these:
  • Does he/she touch my heart and soul?
  • Do we share similar values?
  • Is he/she concerned with my well-being?
  • Do I feel like I've come home when I'm with him/her?
  • Romantic Friendship

Soul dating involves more than just finding out things about each other. It gets you to work on building a romantic friendship. Friendship is a bit alien to many relationships and marriages, which when you think about it, should be one of the main building blocks in any close relationship. The really surprising thing about a lot of marriages is the fact that wives and husbands find it easier to share important feelings with their friends rather than each other. Friendship isn't even a goal for most marriages.

The main factor of soul dating is working on a romantic friendship which starts you on the path to finding a compatible partner. Achieving true emotional intimacy, before sexual intimacy, the mistake that most couples make when they have sex early in their relationship is lust and passion can be mistaken for actual love. In the heat of the moment, couples become lost n romantic illusions. The goal of having a romantic friendship is knowing the whole person. Many couples get lost in a romantic illusion of love at first sight, and they focus what they want in the relationship to be, rather than what it actually is.

Relationships that work on baring the soul rather than the body; which means slowly letting the other person see the whole you, warts and all, beginning with the first date. Making romantic friendship open and easy, with no strings attached, grounds people in relationship reality. True friendship depends on having no secrets from each other. It tends to make the relationship far more intense and deep. There are no secrets from each other, letting the other person experience the real you. Neither one of you is expected to like everything about your soul mate. It means accepting each other for who you both are, and deciding if you want to develop a romantic friendship with the other person.

Of course, baring the heart, soul and spirit rather than the body can make things a bit more awkward at first, it can make taking off your clothes in front of the other person easy. Reaching in and baring your authentic self without shame or embarrassment can be one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life. Learning to be comfortable with yourself first will be a big help. If you haven't accepted your idiosyncrasies, history, and dysfunctions, will make revealing anything more difficult.

Who would have thought there would be so many different choices to dating in our world today. This may actually be a good thing for the older woman who finds herself back out in the dating scene today. With all the different ways to meet new people, the woman of today has all these choices to choose from. There is no reason for her to date desperately, and allow needy behavior to control your dating, which you would never do anyway. However, dating regularly will allow you to deal with your anxieties and fears you may have about the dating process. You are not alone with these feelings, anyone with feelings that starts' dating again has them. The good news is that the more you date, the less nervous you will be. No mater which type of dating you try, you will find one that suits you in the dating world today. So get out there and start dating, how else are you going to find that special someone?

 

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