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So now that you know what women truly want, imagine this all-too-common scenario. You've known Jane all your life. She has been that one consistent bright light, and you have always harbored a secret crush on her.

Throughout grammar school and college you kept things a secret, but once you both graduated, you decided it was time to make your move.

You then haphazardly told her one evening after hanging out, "Jane, I really want to date you. I think you're hot. Do you feel the same?"

Her reply? "Oh John! We're just friends!"

If this has ever happened to you, you will still remember how devastating and upsetting those words were and how crushed you felt.

So the million-dollar question is: can friends become lovers? Can you truly capture the attention of a girl you already know and like, and transform that friendly vibe into passion?


You must, however, approach the situation with a little finesse and strategy. It takes a lot of effort to turn a woman's head 180 degrees. In some cases, it may not be able to be done, but in others there is real hope for turning friendship into passion.


The most important key for transforming a friend into a lover is making her realize on her own that you are actually a lusty and attractive male specimen.

How do you do this? Believe it or not, the absolute best way is to date other women, preferably attractive women if you are able. Women talk all the time among themselves, and if all of her friends talk about what a great guy you are and see you as a potential date, she won't help but be able to see you as one, too.

The key here is to be honest with the women you're dating and keep open relationships with them. Tell them that you're simply interested in dating but not anything too serious. You have to be very careful with this strategy, as the potential for making a mess of it is quite high.

You need to come across as a charismatic and fun guy who is nice to be around as well as polite and chivalrous. You don't want to get a reputation that you are a sleaze that is wantonly hitting on every single woman. This is especially important if you have your heart set on winning your female friend.

In addition, please don't sleep with every single one of the women that you date whatever you do. This is a huge mistake! Not only is that a bad idea emotionally, but with all the diseases out there, it is a huge health risk. Be a gentleman, and don't do anything that will give your friend the impression that you're a player, because then she will be too scared to get involved with you. Such a reputation could destroy your chances with her. Instead, you want to wear the label of an attractive, fun, and enticing male whom other women find attractive.

For this strategy to be successful, you have to avoid uncomfortable break-ups that could lead to rumors and gossip about your behavior. By being totally honest and making sure everyone knows that you and the women you are with are "casually dating," you'll avoid getting the wrong reputation.

Grooming is another important component of attraction. If you dress casually around the girl you are interested in simply because you are "friends," try spicing things up a bit. Dress to impress whenever you can. Avoid the unkempt look and even consider working out a bit. If you are in good shape, you might even find an occasion to take your top off and incite a bit of passion in your friend. The key is to be as attractive as you can be so that she soon "gets" how desirable you really are.

You should also be genuinely nice and talk with your friend's female friends as much as possible. You want to look good in their eyes, because nine times out of ten, friends attempt to set up other friends. After a while your intended might start receiving comments from her friends like, "Why aren't you dating John? He's so hot and such a nice guy!" She'll start to question your relationship as "just friends" and will start asking herself the very same questions.


At some point, if things don't progress naturally, you'll want to at least pass along the message that you are interested in more than just friendship status. So how do you do that without making a fool of yourself?

The best way to do this is gently and inconspicuously. If you can, frame it as a joke or an observation that she can respond to. Try this comment: "Every time my buddies see us together, they're like, 'You guys should be a couple.'" Leave it there and wait for her to respond. Or, if you often party with your friend, do this the next time you're drinking together. Tell her that it must just be the alcohol because you've got this crazy urge to kiss her. Do this with a grin. She can either laugh and bounce it off as a joke, or she can lean forward and make your dream come true.

Whatever you do, avoid ultimatums such as "Love me or leave me!" You'll scare her off without hesitation. Avoid confessing your emotions directly; rather, say something like, "It's weird to spend this much time with you, because it almost feels like you're my girlfriend." Let her respond. You might be surprised to find out that she's been thinking the same thing. In fact, many guys find out that their girl "friend" is much more interested in just friendship. It never hurts to ask.

If she confesses that she's felt the same way, let her know what it is about her that has changed your feelings. Let her know how valuable your friendship is to you and reassure her that you won't lose it by becoming more. Often, women hesitate to date a friend because they're worried of losing the friendship. By getting her fear out in the open, she'll be able to realize that it isn't true.


If she tells you that she isn't interested, then you probably won't be able to change her mind. Realize that people don't have control of their feelings, and that they either feel something or they don't.

If she doesn't want to get romantically involved, that's that. Accept it and move on. Instead of beating yourself up about it, your best bet in the long run may be to reduce the amount of time the two of you spend together so you can start living your life and finding someone who will share your passion and interest.

Don't act too disappointed, or she'll realize just how much that question meant to you. When feelings are lopsided on a friendship, that friendship often dies. Stay cool and continue to act just the same way you did before you mentioned it. Don't change your behavior, no matter how embarrassed you feel. If you want to keep this girl in your life as a friend, you have to remain friends no matter what. And that's not settling for second best: it's keeping a good thing going.


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