HOW LONG SHOULD A WOMAN WAIT TO DATE AFTER DIVORCE?
So now you're single again. One of the good things about being married is that one always had a date. No here you are single again. There really are no rules when it comes to dating again after divorce. It's all up to the individual and how they feel about it themselves. However, if you're a divorced women in her 40s, 50s, or 60s, and depending on how long you were married, you may want to take some time for yourself and re-group. Divorce is a very stressful time, the only thing that rates a higher stress level for a person is the death of their spouse, and especially if this is the first time you have been alone for the past 10 or 20 years. Some say you should give yourself six months, some say a year. You should take however long you need before you get back into the dating arena again. Don't let your friends rush you into something your not ready for, on the other hand, don't let them stop you if you feel ready.
Once you feel ready to date again, make sure it is with someone you feel very comfortable with. Don't go out with someone just to be going out, or you really don't feel all that compatible with this guy but you may "warm up to him" during dinner. Also, it probably is not a good idea to go out with someone totally different than the person you were married to, just because you don't feel so hot toward your ex at the moment. Remember, you were once married to him, so there were things about him that attracted you. Your first love after divorce should be a special moment in your life. Studies show that for reasons not yet known, this relationship will probably not be a long term or very stable relationship, but that does not make it less important. This love will open a new door for you and allow you to rediscover a playful side that you thought was gone. You very much deserve this after what you have been through, so open up and enjoy. Enjoy this first relationship after divorce because it is part of your healing process. This "first love" will let you have some fun and it will be wonderful, and hopefully it will give you great memories to look back on with pleasure and gratitude. Just don't start thinking this is "the one" and the both of you are going to live happily ever after. Enjoy it for what it is and how it will help you feel like a whole woman again, because that is what's important here. You may find out too that you're not as ready as you thought.
If you're lucky, your children will be grown or almost grown and there will be no little ones going through this. Sometimes divorce cannot be helped and your children are not grown. You have to remember they are going through the same grieving process you are and all they know is that now things are going to be different. One parent is not going to be around all the time anymore, and they are too young to understand how come mom and dad don't want to be together anymore. The main thing you can do is reassure them this is not their fault. Children sometimes have a tendency to think that if only they had been better children, then mommy and daddy would still be together. Children around 8 to 13 years old may have mixed feelings about you dating also. They want to be supportive and happy to see you moving on with your life, and maybe even smiling again. On the other hand, they simply can't bring themselves to support you seeing someone else. They try to sabotage your dating plans, and when your date shows up start misbehaving and whining over anything and everything. There's not a lot you can do about it, you are entitled to a happy life. Just be patient with them and show them how much you love them but you also need to have a life outside of them. Make it clear to them that your dating is an adult issue, and you are not trying to replace their father for them. In time things will be okay, and everyone will be doing their own thing. As they get older they will understand.
No matter what you choose to do, make sure that it all feels right to you. Listen to your intuition. Maybe this will be a good time for you to try something new. You will find that the woman you see in the mirror today is not the same woman she saw in that reflection 20 years ago. This could be the start of something wonderful for you. It's true what they say about "one door closing, another one opens." You are a mature smart and wonderful woman. If you have let yourself go for a couple of years then get on the ball and start getting in better shape. It will be one of the best things you can do for your self esteem. Once you start looking better, you will start feeling better, hence start having more confidence in yourself. Divorce is a very hurtful and depressing time in one's life, but don't let it ruin the rest of your life. You have a long way to go, and you are going to be on this planet for a long time yet. Don't waste your time moping around, feeling sorry for yourself because you were wronged in some way. You may need to go off and lick your wounds and take some time to heal, but don't take too long, life may just be passing you by.
Before You Carry On......
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