The first kiss is the clincher. You’ve been locking eyes all night, even spun each other across the dance floor, and now as the song ends you pull her close for that first kiss. Will it be fireworks? Will it be a dud?
Kaput. Yep, that was a dud.
How can you guarantee that the chemistry will happen when you lock lips for the first time?
You can never guarantee anything in life or love, but you can certainly up the chances of a favorable response by honing up on your kissing technique. Fabulous kissers aren’t as common as you may think. This chapter will tell you some of the common pitfalls and give you some tips to develop those lips women will die for.
1. Practice, practice, practice.
If you’ve never kissed anyone before, you may not have an intuitive grasp of great kissing technique. Many people—male and female alike—begin their kissing careers as children, imaging that their pillow was their desired partner and covered it with kisses.
Needless to say, real lips are a good deal different from cotton fabric. Some people practice their kissing on ripe fruit, like sensuous, squishy mangoes. Lest this give you freaky “American Pie” flashbacks, remember that kissing practice is healthy and not at all abnormal.
2. Practice good mouth hygiene.
You may think your mouth is clean as a whistle, but a dentist would be able to tell you what you had for breakfast that morning. That’s because the mouth traps food odors more than people realize. If you have onions or garlic for lunch, your date may very well be able to taste it in your kiss that afternoon.
Great kissers know that tasting alcohol, coffee, or food on someone’s breath is a huge turnoff. Make sure you always brush your teeth, floss, and use mouthwash before you go out. Avoid any strongly-flavored food or drink before kissing, and always carry gum or mints just in case.
3. Relax and let yourself go.
Stress, anxiety, and self-consciousness make us awful kissers. If we’re not even sure we like the person we’re kissing, our lips turn tense and unyielding.
You can tell a lot with a kiss. When you’re upset, your lips get tight, and the person you’re kissing can tell. If you’re inexperienced and trying too hard, your kissing partner will be able to notice as well.
So the most important part of kissing is being totally into the person you’re with and wiping all distractions from your mind. Wipe anything from your memory but the moment. Let your inhibitions dissolve (including any self-consciousness about your ability as a kisser) and relax. Sweep her into your arms, and you’ll find yourself naturally kissing like a movie star.
4. Take it slow.
During a first kiss, one of the biggest mistakes you can make is going for it with the full body press. First kisses should be light, short, and soft. When you break away, move her hair away from her eyes with your fingers, then search her eyes to see how she is feeling.
A little eye contact is a powerful thing while kissing. Often, the only way you can see one another is to break the kiss. Yet pulling back gives you an opportunity to see how the other person is doing, reassure one another that you’re both experiencing the same feelings, and allow a change of pace. So, as you’re kissing, take breathers to pause, hold her face in your hands, and search her eyes.
5. Vary your kisses.
If you’ve never kissed this particular girl before, then you don’t know whether she likes her kisses hard or soft, full-mouthed or gentle, on her lips or elsewhere. Your first kissing session should always be exploratory. Start out by keeping your mouth closed and brushing your lips against hers in a rubbing motion. Kiss her very gently, then back off just a fraction; with your lips in such agonizing proximity, just breathe so that she can feel the warmth of your breath against her skin. If she’s quite responsive, try upping the intensity with full-mouthed kisses. Don’t feel bad about having to break away to breathe or swallow saliva, as she probably has to do the same. Try sucking on her lower lip or running a finger along her jaw or the back of her neck as you kiss. If she’s still responsive, then—and only then—should you try a French kiss. Lick your way along her lips before trying to insert your tongue so that she has the chance to decide whether she’s up for it or not. For some women, French kissing is almost as intimate as intercourse. If she breaks away at that point, don’t try anything further.
The important idea here is to vary the kinds of kisses you use until you find the one that turns her on. This also keeps kissing from being boring.
6. Use your hands.
Use your hands to lightly trace the line of her jaw or clench hair at her nape. Run your fingers through her hair or caress her shoulder. Rest one hand on her lower back, and pull her to you. Remember that kissing should stimulate all the senses, but don’t forget Rule #7.
7. Never use the kiss as an excuse to do other things.
The first time you kiss a woman, enjoy the kissing for its own sake, NOT just as a prelude to going to bed with her. Just because she’s given you a kiss doesn’t mean that she’s given you permission to sleep with her, so DON’T try to take it to the bedroom from the moment your liplock breaks. A kiss should never be used as an excuse to touch her anywhere she doesn’t want to be touched. Avoid the breasts and buttocks unless you’re sure that she wants your hands to wander there.
8. End with a cuddle or hug.
The problem with kisses is that they often end too soon. Extend the moment by enfolding her in your arms for a hug or giving her a cuddle. You might want to break the intensity of the mood by being playful or silly or even tickling her. A little laughter will make her feel even more bonded and connected to you, and she’ll want to see you again fast.