Advice for men
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"OVERCOME YOUR FEARS AND MEET MORE WOMEN"
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
If you're holding back from asking women out because you're scared stiff, think about everything you're missing out on.
The single biggest obstacle most men have when meeting women is overcoming their insecurities and fears. Everyone is afraid of rejection, and nowhere does rejection seem to hurt more than when it comes from the opposite sex. Even men who appear to be able to seduce women from the word "Hello" have experienced rejection. The difference is that master seducers don't let rejection get them down. For every woman who doesn't respond to their flirtations, these men know that there will be another woman who will.
If you're going to put yourself on the line and meet more women, you need to develop strategies for the times when you'll feel clumsy, tongue-tied, or inept. Look, feeling inadequate is normal. However, the most successful people know how to overcome it. The most important skill you can learn is to not sabotage yourself with negative thinking. You need to be your own "coach" and cheer yourself on.
Try this exercise. Every time you feel disgusted with yourself, feel hopeless at making conversation, or think that no woman is ever going to want to be with you, subtract one point. Every time you appreciate something about how you look, feel good about something you did or said, or congratulate yourself for handling a situation well, then give yourself a point. By the end of the day, your balance should always be in the black.
Dating IS hard work. You put yourself on the line, expose yourself to someone, and at times make a complete and total fool of yourself, all in the hopes that you will get that coveted date and NOT be made fun of. Can't we all empathize with that?
Before you go into any situation where you're going to meet members of the opposite sex, the first thing you need to remind yourself is that many women are just as nervous and insecure when it comes to meeting you. Women want to be asked out, but they've been taught not to show it. So while they're acting cool and indifferent, they may simply be playing an act that they don't really mean. Getting a woman to relax is the first step to getting her into your bed.
Now that you know how important it is to overcome fear and self-doubt, how do you go about doing it?
First, you have to acknowledge your fears and address them. What exactly are you afraid of? Are you afraid you'll be rejected? Are you afraid she'll think you look funny? Are you afraid you'll say something foolish, or are you afraid that you won't be able to say anything at all?
These are valid fears, and there is nothing wrong with feeling this way. The key, though, is to feel the fear and do it anyway.
If you are afraid of being rejected, the very best thing you can do is to get over it. Rejection is one of the biggest fears of both women and women, and it happens to everyone. Just like no one can live life fully without making lots of mistakes, so no one can experience the world of dating fully without experiencing lots of rejection.
Yes, rejection even happens to the slickest, smoothest players out there—the ones who always seem to have a gorgeous woman or two on their arm … the guys you want to emulate.
Yes, rejection can be scary. But so is jumping out of an airplane or applying for your dream job. Rejection will feel horrible for a moment, but its reward is worth the discomfort: now you know that that particular girl isn't for you. Aren't you glad that you know it now before wasting any more time on her?
If you have vowed not to try dating for fear of being rejected, ask yourself: what's the worst thing that could happen?
So what if she laughs or her friends laugh? So what if she ignores you? So what if she tells you to get lost? If she does, you've just learned that she's really rude, and thank goodness you learned that now. Girls who reject guys rudely don't deserve your time or your thoughts.
The important thing is that you will get over it. Like many before you and many after, you will learn to brush off rejection and move on. If someone rejects you, that's her problem … not yours. Maybe she had some hang-up, maybe she was involved with someone else, maybe she wasn't sure what to do, or maybe she just wasn't meant for you. Who cares?
I can't emphasize this enough: being rejected by a random girl does not mean that you are a bad person, or that you are unattractive to women in general. If you find yourself getting rejected all the time, it is probably because you're picking the wrong person to approach, or your technique could use some fine-tuning. These are all abilities that you will learn with more practice.
Rejection can never be a truly bad thing if you use it as a learning experience. Get over your fear of rejection by putting yourself on the line and realizing that it's not as bad as you thought it was.
Many guys have told me that the absolute best thing you can do to get over rejection is to try going over and talking to some of the women you feel you are most likely to be rejected by. You might be surprised: women really appreciate it when guys make the effort, and you might even get a date out of the interaction. Even if the women you approached aren't in the mood for a chat, the experience will give you valuable confidence in your ability to approach anyone and flirt.
HOW DO I LOOK?
Many guys fear to approach women because they compare themselves against the other guys in the party or the club, and they think that they can't compete. Promise one thing: NEVER compare yourself against others. You are yourself. You are unique, special, and the perfect combination for that one-of-a-kind gal you're seeking.
Being insecure about our appearance is one of those things that everyone—male and female—has to deal with. But we all have quirks. There is something about each and every one of us that we don't like. Just remember that no one is perfect.
On the good side, everyone has good features. Your goal should be to recognize your good features and play them up.
If you don't know what those good features are, ask a friend to help you out. Friends can be a great help in assessing our appearance honestly. Seek out a person whose style you admire and ask them for their honest opinion about your wardrobe. What sort of things look best on you? What looks worst? If you can take a little constructive criticism, you may find that you've been "advertising" yourself all wrong.
Whatever you do, make sure that you feel right in the clothes you wear. If you feel uncomfortable, or if the clothes are too tight or scratchy, you'll show your discomfort on the dating scene. If you feel comfortable and confident, on the other hand, you will exude more confidence and sex appeal.
WHAT DO I SAY?
Flirting can be a difficult technique to master if you're not good with small talk. If you're afraid of saying something foolish, remember that the fear of saying something foolish will trip up your tongue faster than just saying whatever comes to your head in a natural, relaxed way.
Nerves have a remarkable ability to play tricks on us. I know so many people who say something they wish they hadn't just because they were afraid of letting a silence in a conversation go on for too long. The good thing is that we all do it. It doesn't make you goofy, stupid or weird—it's just human nature.
The key to overcoming fear of saying something stupid is to have a great attitude about your slip-up. Laughter truly is the best medicine. The next time you say something foolish, laugh it off and say, "Wow, that certainly was a witty line. I impress all the girls with that one!" and move on. She will be so impressed with your ability to laugh at yourself that she'll probably forget what you said long before you do.
So, look, everyone has fears, but the men who are most successful in dating learn from them and move on. If you want to find Miss Right, you simply have to recognize your fears, accept them, and keep on dating anyway!